Free At Last!

Today was the day I was finally set free from a double life. I have been living two lives for a little over two years. One of the lives I was living was quiet and insecure...it was one that dealt with the trauma of life, and the other was the outgoing BUBBLY Bre` that most of my friends know. There are only the important few that have seen both sides of Bre` and I was told that I was too much of a burden, that I was too clingy, and was even told that they were going to give up on me....

However, there was one amazing person today, that God just knew I needed an encouraging word from. He put her in my life to be an accountability partner, a sister in Christ, and even  a dear friend. He gave her some sharp toned words to speak to me, and for me to learn from. I thank Him for this, as well as her for obeying like she was made to do. Her words are STILL ringing in my head and this conversation happened over six and a half hours ago.

She said, "I have been told by a few people today that I should just let you go and give up on you.....and I keep telling them NO!" "I LOVE you and God knows why we are in this together. We need to trust Him and it will work out."

This really showed me how loving she is, without her even saying anything else. She cares enough about me, that she is keeping up with my classwork, my eating schedule, and just my me and God time. To most of you, this would sound controlling, however to me it sounds LOVING. Not many people in my life would do this, or even take the time to acknowledge that I am more than just an ear for them to rant to. I have come to realize I have about three TRUE friends on campus, then the rest here are just talking buddies, acquaintances as some say. I yearn to have more TRUE friends, but I cannot force them, they have to be willing to go through thick and think and some of them are not mature enough for that just yet. One day they will be and that is when life is going to have a whole new meaning for them!

At about ten minutes before eight p.m. this evening, I was set free. Set free from all sin, guilt, and anguish I have been put through the past two and a half years. I got to talk to this friend, AND I finally spoke up about what happened those many awful years ago...My grandmother was so understanding and we even got to pray. Grandmothers are the BEST! <3

I give Glory to God FOREVER for allowing me to come to this school and to be able to lead a semi normal life after being Raped those few years back. He had a mercy and understanding filled cloud of protection over me and as I, for the first time, told my grandmother what happened. As we cried and as she listened, it was the first time I felt "heard" by anyone in the family. I thank God for giving her the ears to listen and me the strength/courage to speak out against the evil that had been done against MY WILL. This was never God's will nor mine...God's will is for His children to lead a holy and pleasing life in his Name. God always forgives His children, if you come to Him. Tonight, I asked my abba (father) to forgive me for the sin in which I had committed (premarital sex)...he told me, my daughter, you have done no wrong...It was against your will and you said NO....I Love you and I appreciate you for standing up for my works. I am pleased.

Tomorrow is the day in which we, we being me and my grandmother, will sit down with my mother and tell her all of it...beginning to end...I pray God puts a hand of protection over her emotions and that it goes decently. I dont want to see her upset...I have already forgiven the "boy" who did it to me, and I want to move on. My process of moving on includes letting my family know and it is helping. This is the lightest and the most free I have felt in allllllll my life. Thank you Jesus for shedding your blood, so that I may live for you daily and bear your cross.

SIDE NOTE: For any female reading this....If you have ever, or know someone who has ever been raped or violated sexually, TELL SOMEONE. Whether that be the cops, a trusted friend, or a loved one...tell them. You dont have to be alone in this..I promise you, it WILL get better and you will be able to live your life normally again. It will take time and the sooner you talk the better it will get and the quicker it will get there. Talking to someone about being violated against your will is probably one of the hardest things you will do, however, in the end, it will be one of the best things you will have done.


I LOVE YOU,  AND I AM PRAYING FOR YOU. 

HANG IN THERE...YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!









GOD  is with you in this, and he LOVES you either way....YOU are His creation and are created in His beautifully, perfect image... :)


1 Peter 5:7
Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.






Many Blessings in Christ,
Bre`